When I met Someone Like Me ......

To Begin With -- This portrait of my feelings was made about a week back !!

 "Speculations of my marriage have been doing rounds for more than a year now. Initially I was too skeptical about the idea of arrange marriage as for most of my life I imagined myself getting married in a total planned way- Meet someone, fall in love, have your good times, presence of villains in the story,  winning over them, parents going against you, winning over them and a Happy Ending In the End. But I guess this Imagination was more of side effect of too much cinema than anything else. 

Slowly the reality took over my Imagination and I thought to give this arrange marriage concept a try. I met couple of alliances with a great enthusiasm only to realize the whole concept is far more difficult and complex than I initially thought of. But this was all a year back. Gradually the enthusiasm calmed down and because of the professional work load the whole set up took a back step. 

Ever since my father retired this year in February, family agenda to get me off married again picked up pace. From matrimonial websites to newspapers to acquaintances, no stone was left unturned. Few proposals came our way but none of them lasted the whole mechanism. For me the most worrying thing was my inner devils were coming true. I was not feeling that click, that connect.  I know many people were argue that this is now how it works. I may not disagree with them but I have been a spontaneous person all my life. It's that first thought, the first feel, the first connect which matters the most to me. And with every proposal that I saw or met I was not getting that connect. And to add to that it was very hard to describe to my parents the reasons behind my disapproval. It's something you can't put in words but can feel from within. I never intended to demean or hurt someone, but it's always better to listen to your heart at the moment rather than regretting later. Was I being too choosy, was I acting too critical of things or Was this whole arrangement just not made for me? My mind was full of unanswered queries.

My biggest question talking to myself was how will I come to know that she is the one. I have trusted my inner voice most of the times, but was this too big an occasion to listen and trust to your sub conscious mind? Couple of days back, through one of the on-line matrimonial services I received an acceptance of expression of interest from one of the profiles .  As my account was handled jointly by me and my father so I was not very sure about the where about of this profile. The curiosity popped up and I was forced to open the profile, on my desktop, in mid of office hours. Whatever details I saw on that miniature window, were a force enough to initiate a conversation.

After the initial matrimonial introduction, through the day we shared little information about our families, our jobs, a little about our habits, likes-dislikes and all the usual stuff. In the backdrop, my father already had talks with her mother discussing how to take the things forward. While chatting with her the same day she told that her mother wants to speak to me. Though I was all at sea against her questions but her mother was just like the typical Indian mother - Full of warmth, love, emotions and concern. 

We decided to meet on Sunday, i.e..  today. I reached the destination before her and was waiting at the pre decided point. All my way to Kamla Nagar, somewhere deep in my mind I had rehearsed many a times as to what I have to ask - what I have to speak, how much I have to speak etc. My mother had already instructed me to have a control on my urge to speak and also give other the opportunity to talk. As I saw her car approaching me, I realized there was a surprise for me. She was with her mother. Not that it was any concern or I didn't liked it, It was just that all my rehearsals had gone for a toss and I had to re-do everything and that too In a matter of seconds. On the other hand I thought this is the best thing to happen as I can remove any clouds of concern that her mother has.

As I sat on the back seat, she suggested we may go to Nirula's as the market was too crowded and lacked sufficient parking areas. I nodded in approval and she zipped through the narrow market lane. And that is where the first click happened. I am quite fond of driving and have always been impressed by people who can drive well, but I have found them very far and few. This one certainly knew how to drive. 

We were there at our destination in a jiffy. For some strange reasons the restaurant was very dimly lit and gave a very sad feel. Customers were far and few and there were ample empty spaces. We got seated and the discussion started in the most unusual manner - we both smiling and laughing at each other for a couple of minutes. Her mother finally broke the monotony and initiated a conversation. What followed next was something strange. It was one of those rare times where I was more keen on listening than speaking. Whether it was her or her mother the thing that struck me was the clarity in thoughts. In those 90 minutes that I was there, I never felt out of place. As her mother narrated few tales of her courage, I realized this is something I could have never done it. She was full of thoughts, views and humor. Her values for the elderly, picture of a perfect family and understanding of a relationship were something to be admired at. Mischief in her eyes was quite evident and so was child in her heart  - And that is where the second click happened. I realized in some spheres of life we are quite apposite and in some quite opposite. 

Sooner than later, good things come to an end. As we decided to end our tweet-up, I somewhere wanted her to stay. There were far too many things left unsaid. I tried looking into her eyes to find out whether she liked the meeting or not, but all I saw was a Kid, who had to grow up just because of the circumstances. 

I don't know where this rendezvous will ultimately end up, but will always remember this day for meeting someone like me- but far more stronger and firm when it comes to Life !! :) 

" कि उनसे मिलके आज ऐसा लगा, 

मानो खुद से मुलाक़ात हो गई .... "

Back to Today -- 

And here I am after a Week.. Thinking how fast the things have happened . Our rendezvous which happened a week back struck wonders. To my utter surprise, I also hit the right chords in her mind.

With blessings of everyone around, we've decided to move ahead together in Life. I am sure this is just the start of a life long beautiful phase waiting to unfold in my life.  :) 

At the moment - Nothing more to day, just smiles to share :) 

Souls that Matter the Most.. Part II.. A Born Leader !!

The storm was at peak of its prowess.  I had to somehow weather it.  My first board results had spoiled it all. All my future plans had gone for a toss. 2^nd half of 2002 was certainly not going as per planned. My life anyways never followed my plans.

The scene of we all creating a ruckus one evening before the result, in anticipation of a good result, is still as fresh as a daisy in my mind. The final outcome was a mix. The result amongst 4 of us was exactly in the reverse order compared to what we had thought of. Vivek, whose handwriting would have given any doctor a complex scored the highest followed by Rachit and Himalaya who was considered to be the most serious amongst us, was giving me a good company in what we termed  as 2^nd division grades. The scene of so called growing up tough boys breaking down at the sight of one result made me realise what expectations can do to you.

 I had pre-decided to change my school after my 10^th standard as it didn’t offered Commerce stream. But that was supposed to be a decision and not a verdict imposed by external factors. This result had certainly promoted my decision to opt for commerce stream for my future studies, but this promotion came at a cost. I realised there are bigger pains than your love interest going out of your sight. Few days went by in understanding how the world around us has changed in blink of an eye. It seemed the world looked at us with perception of an offender or a criminal. But I was not the one who would sit hand in hand waiting for things to happen. I always believed in making things happen.

One fine day Me and Himalaya went around the schools in our area exploring the various options available. There we saw that we were not the only ones who were going through the phase. That certainly calmed down our nerves a bit.

*Love and Pain, both when shared, have the same effect on you –You feel good than before*

But as 15 years old, probability of school management taking us seriously was very less. And this was confirmed when Father of one of the schools asked us in a very inquisitive manner – “You have come alone, where are your parents?”

I had thought of making some substantial progress and then informing my parents, but I was left with no choice. I had to pass the buck back to my parents. After a prolonged discussion I convinced them on my decision of opting for Commerce stream. This seemed a more wisely act and in a matter of few days I got admission in one of the top schools of the city, a school whose tales I was quite aware of as one of my cousins studied there and was amongst the most notorious properties there.

I belonged to one of the biggest schools of the city, so that was the image which I carried of a school. Big corridors, huge ground, sufficiently big classrooms were something which were obvious to be there. I had never heard of the branch in which I got admission. I still remember my first day; Dad went to drop me and even after reaching the entrance I was like, where is the Damm School I can’t see it. Then Dad showed me a lame entrance and I was made aware that this was my new school. My whole world came crashing down. This was not what I had desired for. I will never forget the first scene I saw in the school. As I entered I saw few kids playing basket ball in front of the principal office, and instantly my mind popped up two questions – Firstly is this the place where they play basketball and Secondly where is the god damm second net of the court – I could only see on net in a corner.

As I observed for couple of more minutes my every question met with an answer. Both teams shared the net, so obviously there was no second net and this was the very place where they play basketball. I had grown up tumbling around in a lush green field; this was something very hard to digest by. But I didn’t know the worst was still to come. As I was figuring out my classroom, one school helper directed me to one corner of the school. Now again my sight couldn’t figure out a classroom. I went back to that helper and asked for directions again, and he showed me the same way. As I reached the corner of that tiny corridor I saw a door which was partly closed and it was so small that anyone would never see it as a classroom entry.  

My first day had hardly begun and already there was so much happening.  I knocked on the door and swiftly entered the door. The population inside the class was hardly 20 including the teacher itself. There were no signs of direct sunlight and natural air coming in. No doubt it was a make shift class room. As I was meeting each and every eye in the classroom, I saw a familiar face. I thought to myself, I know this boy. Yeah I certainly did. He had left our school 5 years back to move on to a different one and at this moment we had again landed on a same platform.  And anyways it’s always nice to have recognizable entities in an alien planet. I straight away went to him, ‘Vishnu, right?’ – I said, he nodded in affirmation and we had a sort of re-introduction or rather we made up for these lost years.

In the conversations that followed later in the day, I was made aware that the class room was actually a store room and that was clearly described by its structure. In the next few days we were first shifted to a chemistry lab and then finally to a proper class room, which thankfully had sunlight and fresh air in some proportions.

After me our class didn’t witness any new face until one morning, when the class had just started, we heard a heavy but a very low voice. A tall, dark, brawny boy was standing at the door and was asking permission to enter the class. After he got seated, teacher asked him to introduce himself to the class. For some reason he was all smiles. His volume was so low that I guess only he could hear his voice.  I teasingly commented from behind, “Volume.... Volume!!”. His smile didn’t appear to leave him. Somehow he managed some volume in his introduction and completed his part. ‘Rahul’.... ‘My name is Rahul’, he said in the lowest of volume possible. For a person with his stature and being so soft spoken and shy at the same time was certainly something which made me amused.

In next few days that tall brawny boy won over many people in the class, including me as well. I was always appreciative of the people who could easily make friends. I don’t remember the exact hour, but as far as I can search down my memory lanes, I remember it was a Wednesday and we had an extra class after the normal school hours. Due to these extra classes and our extended school hours I hadn’t seen my girlfriend for 2 months. As the last class was going on and I was lost in my own fairy land, Rahul figured it out that all was not well.

He had this habit of intruding in your own land, you like it or not, and taking out each and every detail out of you – He still has it...

When he started inquiring I couldn’t put him off for too long. “Ok, let’s leave the school after this class and we will meet her” – Out came his verdict. “And the extra class” – I was very sceptical about bunking the extra class. “That we will see tomorrow” – he said that with the most devilish smile one can have. Though I hardly followed anyone else pronouncement but in this case, somehow, I couldn’t differ on any grounds as this was what I also wanted to do. Though that day I couldn’t meet my girl but I never knew that it will be a start to another chapter in my life.

The group of 8 that we eventually formed up had one thing in common – we were all rebellions in some or the other way. Unnecessary rules & regulations was something which constantly bugged us and therefore we relentlessly broke them.

One evening when I proposed the idea of bunking the school to Rahul he latched on to it like a hungry cat jumps on to milk. Next day we parked our bike somewhere on outskirts of the city and had all sort of discussions ranging from cricket, girls to what we wanted to achieve in our lives. Life, for me, was never meant to be dealt with so seriousness. Leave apart next year I didn’t know what I wanted to do the next hour. But during that conversation I realized one thing, this guy was different – his dreams were big.

I was never a born leader but nor I followed anyone blindly. I had always preferred to make my own rules. To convince me for something one had to touch my thinking nerves. More often than not Rahul managed that.

 While batting first in a cricket match we were bundled out for a very paltry score. The heads had already fallen and the other team having a walk in the park was quite anticipated. Rahul went up to the captain and said – “Let me captain the side and I will win the match for you”. And with the confidence he said it was more meant to be an announcement rather than seeking an approval. Needless to say, we won the match. And it also certified my first impression of this lad – He was a born leader...

When I topped in Mathematics in the first terms exams, he was equally happy as I was.  Gossip man as he was, he narrated to everyone how I had toppled the claimed superlatives of the school. Though he not far behind either, he always claimed that I was the best in the business. Though I never said anything in this context, but always wanted to accept it that I was the second best.

Rahul – Dude, you were the best – Scores were a false indicator of the reality...

He never demanded attention, but because he was always there – always at you – you could never ignore him. After our school ended, his family business required more attention. We waited for hours at his office to have a brief chat but to no avail. The commitment with which he drove his work was something to be admired of. All I thought of while watching him work like this – how can one work so hard at this time. This was supposed to be our fun years. But every Sunday, I mean every Sunday, we three – Rahul, Himalaya and Me – had a drinking session in one corner of the city. Rahul followed this like a religion. Come what may it had to happen.

You can’t drive him away with excuses – never. If anyone knows how to please make me learn.

It was not that I was the only admirer of his superior capacities. Even In our homes Rahul was was often used as a metaphor to define responsibility. Everyone in our group somehow was always in agreement of his plans, his opinions. Though he never let his thoughts hide behind his face, but when he was drunk there was a totally different Rahul altogether. He would enter this preaching mode like with his followers all around and would begin his never ending speech about understanding life.

Rahul – your “CHILD DIAPER RATES” dialogue will go down in history as the most epic dialogue, Ever...

This piece of writing will not be complete without the mention of numerous instances we were left in the lurch by Rahul. I am sure everyone in the group had to face this quite a number of times in all these years. Ya I agree it was not always intentional, but somehow the frequency was very high at one point of time. Be it the first movie that we planned together or be it the Vaishno Devi trip, all we could manage was to shell out few abuses, either over the phone or telephonically, and all we got in return was a devilish smile showcasing all the 32 teeth of wisdom. Now when I look back at all those instances all I can do is smile and share a laugh. And I am sure all of us have the same opinion on that.

RAHUL - Over the last few years we have gone busy with our lives more than before. At times I have not been able to touch base for days. But somehow, like you have been doing for all these years, you have always managed to call at the most erroneous time possible – You know what I mean J.  The place is too less to describe what we have shared and executed in all these years. “Our Bike stunts in front of the school”, “Beating the shit out of that local goon”, “Sardar – CCD case” , “Terrified Pawan Sir”, “Our night tele-conferencing calls”, “ Duplicate Vodafone executive”, “Shariq sir case”, “Genesis club party case”, “Gaurav Balloons case” is some of the deeds I can remember of – we have at times switched our planner – executioner role  but mostly it’s been you coming up with these cranky ideas. I have always loved to play the second fiddle. We had our share of differences in all these years, but then that’s part of a thriving bond, isn’t it? The belief you have in my abilities sometimes terrifies me. I have always been of view that you belong to a totally different league altogether. Your aggressiveness in your professional life is something which I have always admired. You have always been my ‘Go-In-Crisis” man. We have our own sets of rights and wrongs and we never alter with that. Life has moved on at a more brisk pace for you than for any one else in our group. But still you have always put in your best to make sure all of us sail along in the same boat. I guess the thread that binds all of us together – You, Himalaya, Anand, Abhinav, Arpit, Me,- has gone through our soles and one knot is tied at your end.

A Born leader, as you are, you will always remain among the souls who matter the most to me...

“ Presenting to you, the special chicken lasagna pizza”

वो 6 महीने बाद घर लौट रहा था। ये पहली बार था की वो घर से इतने लम्बे समय के लिए बाहर था। आँखों में एक अनजानी सी ख़ुशी थी, अपने घर वालो को देखने की, अपने दोस्तों से मिलने की, अपने शहर को देखने की। दिल्ली की भाग दौड़ ने मानो उसको इन सब खुशिओ से मानो कुछ दूर सा कर दिया था। जैसे जैसे ट्रेन उसके शहर के पास पहुच रही थी उसके चेहरे पे एक चमक आती जा रही थी। रोज माँ से बात तो करता था पर बहुत दिन हो गए थे माँ की गोद में सर रख के सोए हुए, माँ की डांट सुने हुए, माँ से बहस किए हुए और माँ के हाथ का खाना खाए हुए। जैसे ही ट्रेन प्लेटफार्म पे घुसी मानो उसको ख़ुशी एक अलग ही एहसास हुआ। सामन उठा के प्लेटफार्म पे उतरा ही था की सामने माँ दिख गई। माँ के पैर छुए ही थे की माँ ने उसे कस के गले लगा लिया।

 गीली आँख लिए नम आवाज में माँ ने कहा - कितना दुबला हो गया है ,कुछ खाता  नही  था क्या। 

माँ मैंने आपको मना किया था ना  स्टेशन आने के लिए , क्यूँ तकलीफ की आपने,मै  आ जाता अपने आप घर। अरे अपने बच्चों के लिए कोई तकलीफ होती है क्या, माँ ने उसका सूटकेस उठाते हुए कहा। और ये बैग इतना हलका  क्यूँ है, तू सारे कपडे नहीं लाया क्या,  ले आता तो मै  सही से सब धो देती। अरे माँ मै  अब सब सीख गया हूँ, उसने अपने सूटकेस माँ के हाथ से वापस लेते हुए कहा। अच्छा ६ महीने में तू सब सीख गया, माँ को बेवकूफ बनाना भी - माँ ने उसको डांटते हुए बोला। 

रात काफी हो गई थी और सफ़र की थकान भी थी तो घर आके बिना खाने खाए ही सो गया। आखिर बड़े दिनों बाद घर का सुकून नसीब हुआ था। शायद ख़ुशी से ही पेट भर गया था। 

सुबह के 9 बजे तो माँ ने सोचा उसको अब नींद से उठा दिया जाए। कमरे में गई तो दंग रह गई। वो नींद से पहले ही जाग चुका  था, बिस्तर पूरा सही कर के बाथरूम में नहाने जा चुका था। 

नहा  के आया तो माँ सीधे पूछ बैठी - " तू कबसे इतनी जल्दी उठने लग गया, और ये बिस्तर सही करना कब सीख गया" 

अरे माँ हॉस्टल में सुबह नहाने के लिए लाइन लगती है , तो देर से उठो तो नहाने का समय नहीं मिलता और रही बात कमरा सही करने की तो वो तो मै तुझे देख देख के ही सीख गया था - उसने मुस्कुराते हुए और माँ को छेड़ते हुए बोला। 

माँ को पहली बार लगा उसका लड़का वाकई में बड़ा हो गया। बड़े दिनों बाद उसने पेट भर के खाना खाया, माँ ने भी उसको खिलाने  में कोई कसर  नहीं छोडी। नाश्ता कर के उठा ही था की माँ बोली - अच्छा आज शाम को घर पे ही रह,ना तेरे लिए एक सरप्राइज है। लेकिन माँ शाम को मुझे दोस्तों से मिलने जाना है, उसने माँ को टालते हुए बोला। 

नहीं मैं नहीं जानती कुछ, दोस्तों से कल मिल लेना। आज शाम को तुझे घर पे ही रहना है - माँ ने गुस्सा दिखाते हुए बोला।  माँ का गुस्सा देख उसे माँ की बात माननी ही पड़ी। अच्छा ठीक है माँ लेकिन ये तो बता दे की सरप्राइज क्या है। वो तो शाम को ही पता चलेगा, माँ खुश होते हुए अपने कमरे में चली गई।

 दिन का समय जैसे तैसे इन्टरनेट और दोस्तों से मोबाइल पे बात करते करते निकल गया। शाम होते होते उसके दिमाग से सरप्राइज वाली बात निकल ही गई थी जब माँ उसके कमरे में आई और बोली - चल आ तेरे सरप्राइज का वक़्त हो गया। 

अरे माँ अब बता भी दे क्यूँ गोल गोल पहेलियाँ  बुझा रही है।  अरे चल तो मेरे साथ, बस अभी बताती - माँ उसका हाथ पकड़ के उसे डाइनिंग रूम की तरफ ले गई। एक कुर्सी पे उसे बिठाते हुए बोली - अब जब तक मैं ना बोलू तू अपनी आँखे बंद रखना। अच्छा माँ लेकिन जल्दी करो, क्या बच्चो की तरह कर रही हो। उसको अब उलझन हो रही थी इस सरप्राइज वाली बात से। 

करीब आधे मिनट बाद माँ की आवाज आई - अब आँखे खोल. 

आँखे खोली तो देखा माँ सफ़ेद एप्रन पहने हाथ में एक ट्रे लिए खड़ी थी। 

ये सब क्या है माँ, और ये हाथ में क्या है? उसको कुछ समझ में नहीं आ रहा था। 

तो माँ बोली - "Presenting to you, the special chicken lasagne pizza”.

उसकी आँखें फटी की फटी रह गई। वो सारा वक़्त जब उसने माँ के अंग्रेजी बोलने का मजाक बनाया था एक पल में उसकी आँखों के सामने से निकल गया। अक्सर वो माँ के खाने को ये कह कर मना  कर दिया करता था की मुझे कुछ बाहर का बना के खिलाया करो। वो एक टकटकी लगे माँ को देखता रहा। 

अरे ऐसे क्या देख रहा है - तू नहीं था तो मेरे पास करने को कुछ नही रहता था - तो मैंने इंग्लिश स्पीकिंग क्लासेज में एडमिशन ले लिया, तू हमेशा बोलता था ना की मैं  सही इंग्लिश नही बोल पाती। फिर भी समय नहीं कटता था तो फिर मैंने कुकिंग क्लासेज भी ज्वाइन कर ली। तुझे बाहर का खाना जयादा पसंद था ना। अब मैं तुझे सब घर पे बना के खिलाया करुँगी। 

उसकी आवाज को मानो शब्दों की कमी हो गई थी, उसकी आँखें आंसुओं से भर उठी थी, वो पिज़्ज़ा खाते हुए माँ से बोला - मुझसे तू हिंदी में ही बात किया कर - और मुझे तेरे हाथ का दाल चावल खाना है , हॉस्टल में एकदम बेकार खाना मिलता है।

वो मैं रात को बना दूंगी, मगर ये तो बता पिज़्ज़ा बना कैसा है- नहीं अच्छा बना तो मैं कुछ और बना देती हूँ - माँ बोली  

वो धीरे से बोला - बहुत अच्छा बना है माँ । 

वो इस समय बस माँ से   लिपट के फूट फूट के रोना चाहता था !!

Ki aaj mai Akela reh Gaya...

Daud hi jaada tej ho gai,
Ya fir mai dheere ho gaya...

Ki  aaj laga mai to akela ho gaya..... 

Abhi to bheed thi chaaron taraf,
Ye Achanak se sannata kaise ho gaya...

Ki aaj laga mai to akela ho gaya ....

Hum to bheeg rahe the baarish mei,
Ye aansuon ne kab bhigo dia...

Ki aaj laga mai to akela ho gaya....

Baithe the hum sukoon ki chaon mei,
Ki ye sukoon kab kafoor ho gaya...

Ki aaj laga mai to akela ho gaya....

Jitni koshish kari muskurane ki,
Utna jaada gumgeen ho gaya...

Ki aaj laga mai to akela ho gaya...

Aae to lafj bahut mere hontho tak,
Par na jaane kyu fir mai khamosh ho gaya...

Ki aaj laga mai to akela ho gaya...

Bula rahe the pas sab bahut der se,
Pahucha to har koi kahin kho gaya...

Ki aaj laga mai to akela ho gaya...

Ye char deewari ab kaatne ko daudti hai.
Ki ab deewaron ne bhi bolna chodh dia...

Ki aaj laga mai to akela ho gaya...

Socha baant lu dard apni kalam ke saath,
Likhne baitha to kaagaj nam ho gaya...

Ki aaj laga mai to akela ho gaya...

Ladte hai jung khyaal dil aur dimaag ke,
Behas ispe ki kiski wajah se ye ho gaya...

Ki aaj laga mai to akela ho gaya...

Khuda bhi kehta ab aur jhooth na bolo,
Maajhi tha tu jis kashti ka uska patwar kahi kho gaya...

Ki maan le ab tu akela ho gaya...

Souls that matter the most... Part 1... Man with an admirable patience

There are days in your life which you never forget and then there are days which you never want to forget. 

 Often I relate and cherish those moments where I incidentally met the best people in my life, it was so sudden, so unplanned …. I met them when I expected the least. It’s surprising isn’t it ….you meet them out of nowhere and never know that they will be the one fueling your world again and again. 

(Flashback to – Year 2000, Late November, –Sunday morning: 8 / 9 am)

There was a new attraction in my colony since last 15 days and luckily she had also found me attractive enough for exchanging glares and smiles. And that was the sole reason why I, on a chilly Sunday morning, was in my garden pretending to be studying, waiting for a minute glimpse of her just to make my morning more pleasant.

(Hold on guys, if you are assuming this writing is about that attraction, cling on to your thoughts)

About an hour had already passed and she was nowhere to be found. I was as usual getting restless and all my senses were directed towards noticing any kind of sound or movement that appeared to come from the direction of her house

As my patience                 quota of the day was about to get over and I was standing at my gate hoping that for some reason she should come from her domicile. As it was a chilly morning and there was some sunshine around there was a possibility that she could be in her balcony as she was also always looking out for reasons to have any kind of non-verbal interactions with me (We hadn’t started talking yet).

But there was a problem.....

Her house was on the 1^st floor and diagonally opposite to mine and the location of her balcony was such that it was not directly visible from my garden. I  had to come out from my home, walk down about 5-10 steps on the road to be able to spot any presence of the newly found  magnetism that was pulling me closer each passing day.

I had to find some reason to go out and chance my luck to have any glimpse of her.  But reasons were nowhere to be found. I hung on at my gate for about 15 minutes without any luck and then decided to have my seat back before anyone inside or outside my home notice my impatient eyes and uneasy body language.

As I was about to get back to my artificial studying program I saw a familiar figure on the road just opposite to my gate, I thought to myself I know this person, and as that person waived a ‘Hi’ towards me, my own doubts over knowing that person were put to rest. He was in my school only, same class- same section. In fact I knew his name as well. We had interacted on more than one occasion, were on good talking terms but were more of classmates than friends.

While this entire mind crunching was taking place, my mind suddenly popped out an idea to fulfil the motive for which I was there all this while. If there was a chance to give my anxious heart some rest the chance was now. I rushed out of my gate, went exactly to that spot from where I could have a direct view of her balcony and shouted on top of my voice to call my classmate who was by then at the end of my lane.

Himalaya....................... I shouted as loud as I could...

(Yeah, Himalaya  ... That was the name – of all the unique names I have heard in my life this one certainly tops the list)

My voice took some time to reach Himalaya. I indicate him to come up to that place and stood there at that spot till he was there.

“What are you doing out early morning in such cold weather?” he asked.

“Leave this, see the balcony at your right, can you see a girl?” I instantly blurted out.

“Yes” he said with a puzzled look on his face.

“Is she beautiful?” again came one of my instantly generated queries.

“Yes” He replied after a more exploratory glance of the balcony.

As he said yes I turned towards the balcony, waited for couple of seconds for her to notice me and as she did, the normal procedure of exchanging smiles and shying and turning red on seeing each other took place.

After all this romantic modus operandi was over I turned towards Himalaya and said, “Yeah Brother, now tell”

By then there was a smirk on his face as well. He teasingly asked, “What’s going on?”

I had no reply to this and could only share a laugh in return.

(What happened with the Balcony fellow is a totally different story altogether, but that was the start of a comradeship of a lifetime. Agreed that morning I had selfish motives in calling Himalaya but I had accidentally put the first brick in building one of the pillars of my life J )

What followed next was a Group of 4 that gradually shaped up (Himalaya, Rachit, Vivek and Me). We were there for each other always but for some strange reasons me and Himalaya shared a much different and stronger bond and so did Vivek and Rachit. Year 2000-2002 saw level of our mischievous acts reach greater heights. Starting from how I used to tease Himalaya as he was unable to shell out the newly learned abuses with the same ease as we did, to our first adult movie, den our first drinking session, getting highly drunk and then dancing without music and a DJ floor, to exploring girls of Blue Bells to Carmel, from Khanna Cosco to Scorecard of Vivek and Rachit we both together witnessed and participated in all. 

Came class 10^th results and we flunked together and then both changed schools. Year 2002-04 saw both of us meeting lot of new and different people in Abhinav, Rahul etc , making new friends in those new places, hardly getting any time to meet. Yet the bond was nowhere to be lost, in fact it grew stronger with each passing day. Days would pass by without talking or meeting but every time we met it seemed nothing had changed.

(Having your destiny attached with someone is a different thing and having it somewhat similar to someone is a totally different thing, and in my case, very strangely Himalaya fits in both)

Year 2004 saw both of us getting thumped by cupid, obviously to different girls and by end of 2004 I was suffering from heartbreak while Himalaya was going strong. I still feel proud of the fact that my summit with an erroneous person led to him meeting the right one.  Those music sessions at Lucknow University is something I will never forget of.

 Few months later I made some incorrect decisions which led to huge differences between me and Vivek and eventually led to our group falling apart. Even though I was on the wrong side, Himalaya still supported me on every possible ground.  That incident certainly instilled in me a greater determination to hold on to this bond for ever.

Destiny again played its role and we landed up in the same graduation college though in different courses. Yet again there were different set of people and circumstances surrounding us, yet again there were times when communication between both of us was very limited but this time around also the intensity in our friendship never witnessed a decline. I have seen many friendships; many relations fall out due to lack of time and attention, but certainly not this one.  

Year 2008 was the time to move out of our homes, out of our comfort zones. Initially there was no way we could have landed up in same city for our masters, leave apart same college. But it seems the string is not only very long it’s very strong too. Guess what, it was meant to be New Delhi for both of us. With the understanding I had of relationships, I knew the real test would begin now. It’s not when two people have very less time that they face difficulties; it’s rather when they have too much time to spend with each other they learn about their shortcomings. And then is the time when they decide whether they want to accept each other shortcomings or not.

Delhi began on a very good note and we had a new companion and a new friend in Ankur. We three slowly started adjusting to the new found fast pace life of Delhi. Initially, to be frank, it was not easy at all but the fact that we always intended at living in a home than a house aided us a lot. Slowly the life started to turn into fun.  Soon Followed Padam, Kawal, Ankur and Siddhartha. The newly found freedom was much to be explored of.

 But I guess some things are never know until they happen. The problem with me was I never gave relationships much thought. In fact I never got time to do so. I was so engrossed with my own life that I never gave a understood to what’s going right, what’s not, is there anything else I need to do, is someone feeling left out and stuff like this. May be this was where I was wrong.

It was about 5 months in Delhi when one evening I got a call from one of mine very good friend in Lucknow. He had this habit of keeping things clear between all of us no matter how worse the situation is.  He very interrogatively asked me as to what’s going on and what I was up to in past few months. The conversation that followed rather left me in a state of disbelief.  I was made aware that I have been ignoring people at my home on a constant basis and have been busy in my own self for all this while.  This was a shocker to me.  Not because I deny the charges, but because firstly I never thought that I and Himalaya will have any issues ever with regards to time for each other and secondly if there were issues at all they must have been discussed directly with me and not with others over a drinking session.  When I gave it a deep thought I realized I was on the wrong foot and was somewhere neglecting people in my home. But then maintaining the time balance between your friends and loved one isn't that easy. It’s only when you go through that phase you figure out the anomalies arising out of it. I was lucky I had someone in my life whose top priority was to keep everyone at home always together, someone who understood that friend held the top rights over me and someone who was there as a friend even for my friends.  But then keeping all your loved ones happy at the same time is not that easy I guess. Few months later followed another drinking session incident in my absence in Lucknow which should not have happened ever.  When I came to knew about it I was literally devastated.  But I choose rather not to discuss it with anyone as what had happened, had happened. But I felt Himalaya was the only one who could have stopped it. Things discussed were certainly not meant to be discussed over a drinking session. But then I had disappointed him on several occasions and may be this was my turn to get disappointed. The issue didn't bother me for much long, such was the trust and belief I had for my friends. Slowly and gradually things started to fall back in place and everything was better than before. Came 2010 and we all became busy in our quest to be termed as employed.  Last 3 years have more or less been all about work but we have always found time for each other irrespective of the situation.  The site of Himalaya and others shed tears over discussing my departure for Muscat that was scheduled few days ahead will always remain in my heart for ever. After that site I never wanted to leave. Thankfully, the departure never happened.

No doubts in all these years I have disappointed Himalaya on many fronts and on numerous occasions but that man has always chosen silence over discussing these petty issues. And that admirable patience is something I always desired of.  Overlooking things or matter which yields no results discussing is something he is a master at. Mutual belief of being the last man standing for each other is something driving our union ship.

Himalaya – Dude, you have seen it all - my successes, my failures, my mistakes, my happiness, my heartbreaks, my crushes, my anger, my despair, my agony, my silence, my Oscar award winning performances, my efforts to woo people, my sins, my crimes, my tears.  Now at this point of time when you are figuring out best ways to figure out the balance of time which I probably few years back wasn't able to maintain, I just want to say, brother don’t try so hard. I know very well what you are up to and how much you try to make our bond go strength by strength.  Many things are still to be written and this space is to too less to narrate everything that we have shared and experienced over all these years. . Also my apologies if I have missed out on something substantial or have mentioned something which is not true in facts.

  I guess we both know how much we mean to each other and that puts a rest to all other arguments.

In the end I just want to mention that out of those relationships which I have chosen in Life you are and will certainly remain amongst the Souls who matter the most to me.

The Enigma of Love..

Love... The feeling continues to amaze me as much as it continues to bliss my life with... About a decade back, while growing up, for most of us all love meant  was to feel your heart beats going up on seeing someone. But when I look down at the years gone by I realize how innocent and naive those thoughts were.  From the moment I started understanding what actually Love can be all about, I saw Love in a very wide spectrum, in a very big framework. It was never confined to any one person or any one relation. I know I may differ with those for whom Love is all about a pair of hearts made for each other. I don't deny their claims, as couple of times in my life I have experienced that myself. I know it just feels wonderful to know that fact that someone out their belongs only to you. But, I guess this is one of the many beautiful aspects of love.

Numerous innocent yet beautiful moments in our lives go unnoticed by.. These are moments which certainly make you happy, but they tend to happen in such a quick manner that you never realize these can be different colors of love in your life.

Ever fed a stray puppy? Love that puppy expresses by his eyes and by wagging its tail..Beautiful, Isn't it... Can that be defined in any relation? I guess not. But  the joy your heart experiences at that moment which automatically translates into a smile on your face is something that can only be categorized under love.

Someone whom you expected the least, but always wanted to be there, turns up at your birthday party just to wish you... The eyes just lighten up at presence of that person. The joy flows in every corner of your heart.

An old friend, not spoken with for ages, calls up at 2 in the night just to ask, 'How are You'.. You are perplexed at the beautiful essence of that moment.

Help an unknown elderly cross the road or with shopping bags or as simple as how to use mobile or an ATM...Just the words, "Thank you Son" and you feel really blessed.

A small gift that you gave years ago, is still kept safely in your friend's cupboard like a treasured collective. You drool over the Concern and care shown over to that small piece.

Someone whom you always considered as arrogant or rude or unfriendly helps you out in an examination or pulls you out from a tricky situation. You keep wondering, "why he did so" and at the same time establish a stronger bond.

You perform badly in a situation in which you could have excelled. You are devastated in your own world. Still a pat on your back  from your manager saying well tried freshens you up. You are more determined to prove his confidence right.

You are missing home and your parents unexpectedly give you a visit. You wan't that moment to last forever.

In a social gathering someone mentions you as his inspiration. You are suddenly grittier to set better examples.

These may be totally different situations in the context, but the only thing common in them is the joy that your heart experiences, The Innate Smile that turns up at your face and the feeling of being loved that keeps reviving your life.

If you observe life closely, it gives you several opportunities to feel bonded with the whole world. Let the life flow with its own pace, just make sure you take out time to understand the beauty and importance of these moments in your life, recognize the magnitude of people connected to you. Don' t see love as an one dimensional feeling, instead source it as base of all other feelings. Like the color white contains wavelength of all other colors, love in itself is capable to make all other feelings revolve around it.

As I am about to close this, couple of lines struck my mind,

"मिले तो थे सब हमें अजनबी की तरह ,

पूरा सफ़र हमने उन्हें अपना समझ के काट लिया"

 Life is Indeed more beautiful than you think, people are better than you assume them to be, Love is more magical than you have ever experienced. Give Love a Chance, and see you life turning into a beautiful journey than you ever thought.. :)