To Begin With -- This portrait of my feelings was made about a week back !!
"Speculations of my marriage have been doing rounds for more than a year now. Initially I was too skeptical about the idea of arrange marriage as for most of my life I imagined myself getting married in a total planned way- Meet someone, fall in love, have your good times, presence of villains in the story, winning over them, parents going against you, winning over them and a Happy Ending In the End. But I guess this Imagination was more of side effect of too much cinema than anything else.
Slowly the reality took over my Imagination and I thought to give this arrange marriage concept a try. I met couple of alliances with a great enthusiasm only to realize the whole concept is far more difficult and complex than I initially thought of. But this was all a year back. Gradually the enthusiasm calmed down and because of the professional work load the whole set up took a back step.
Ever since my father retired this year in February, family agenda to get me off married again picked up pace. From matrimonial websites to newspapers to acquaintances, no stone was left unturned. Few proposals came our way but none of them lasted the whole mechanism. For me the most worrying thing was my inner devils were coming true. I was not feeling that click, that connect. I know many people were argue that this is now how it works. I may not disagree with them but I have been a spontaneous person all my life. It's that first thought, the first feel, the first connect which matters the most to me. And with every proposal that I saw or met I was not getting that connect. And to add to that it was very hard to describe to my parents the reasons behind my disapproval. It's something you can't put in words but can feel from within. I never intended to demean or hurt someone, but it's always better to listen to your heart at the moment rather than regretting later. Was I being too choosy, was I acting too critical of things or Was this whole arrangement just not made for me? My mind was full of unanswered queries.
My biggest question talking to myself was how will I come to know that she is the one. I have trusted my inner voice most of the times, but was this too big an occasion to listen and trust to your sub conscious mind? Couple of days back, through one of the on-line matrimonial services I received an acceptance of expression of interest from one of the profiles . As my account was handled jointly by me and my father so I was not very sure about the where about of this profile. The curiosity popped up and I was forced to open the profile, on my desktop, in mid of office hours. Whatever details I saw on that miniature window, were a force enough to initiate a conversation.
After the initial matrimonial introduction, through the day we shared little information about our families, our jobs, a little about our habits, likes-dislikes and all the usual stuff. In the backdrop, my father already had talks with her mother discussing how to take the things forward. While chatting with her the same day she told that her mother wants to speak to me. Though I was all at sea against her questions but her mother was just like the typical Indian mother - Full of warmth, love, emotions and concern.
We decided to meet on Sunday, i.e.. today. I reached the destination before her and was waiting at the pre decided point. All my way to Kamla Nagar, somewhere deep in my mind I had rehearsed many a times as to what I have to ask - what I have to speak, how much I have to speak etc. My mother had already instructed me to have a control on my urge to speak and also give other the opportunity to talk. As I saw her car approaching me, I realized there was a surprise for me. She was with her mother. Not that it was any concern or I didn't liked it, It was just that all my rehearsals had gone for a toss and I had to re-do everything and that too In a matter of seconds. On the other hand I thought this is the best thing to happen as I can remove any clouds of concern that her mother has.
As I sat on the back seat, she suggested we may go to Nirula's as the market was too crowded and lacked sufficient parking areas. I nodded in approval and she zipped through the narrow market lane. And that is where the first click happened. I am quite fond of driving and have always been impressed by people who can drive well, but I have found them very far and few. This one certainly knew how to drive.
We were there at our destination in a jiffy. For some strange reasons the restaurant was very dimly lit and gave a very sad feel. Customers were far and few and there were ample empty spaces. We got seated and the discussion started in the most unusual manner - we both smiling and laughing at each other for a couple of minutes. Her mother finally broke the monotony and initiated a conversation. What followed next was something strange. It was one of those rare times where I was more keen on listening than speaking. Whether it was her or her mother the thing that struck me was the clarity in thoughts. In those 90 minutes that I was there, I never felt out of place. As her mother narrated few tales of her courage, I realized this is something I could have never done it. She was full of thoughts, views and humor. Her values for the elderly, picture of a perfect family and understanding of a relationship were something to be admired at. Mischief in her eyes was quite evident and so was child in her heart - And that is where the second click happened. I realized in some spheres of life we are quite apposite and in some quite opposite.
Sooner than later, good things come to an end. As we decided to end our tweet-up, I somewhere wanted her to stay. There were far too many things left unsaid. I tried looking into her eyes to find out whether she liked the meeting or not, but all I saw was a Kid, who had to grow up just because of the circumstances.
I don't know where this rendezvous will ultimately end up, but will always remember this day for meeting someone like me- but far more stronger and firm when it comes to Life !! :)
" कि उनसे मिलके आज ऐसा लगा,
मानो खुद से मुलाक़ात हो गई .... "
Back to Today --
And here I am after a Week.. Thinking how fast the things have happened . Our rendezvous which happened a week back struck wonders. To my utter surprise, I also hit the right chords in her mind.
With blessings of everyone around, we've decided to move ahead together in Life. I am sure this is just the start of a life long beautiful phase waiting to unfold in my life. :)
At the moment - Nothing more to day, just smiles to share :)
